Why can't we let go, even when we let go?

And when I say WE, I mean women. We have this need to know everything about everything and everybody, even when that thing may not be the best thing for us and when that person has left our lives. We talk about people that have long ago become our past as if they were still an intricate part of our present. I was talking to one of my best friends today, and we talked about how every once in awhile she thought about a guy she used to date and wondered where he was in his life now. Not a wonder in the sense that she wanted to reconnect, but to see whether he had grown up or was still the same ass he was when they dated. No matter how that person treated us, me and my friend both agreed that we as women are more inclined to wonder about a past situation or a person from our past. Why can't we just move on?

On the other hand, we have men. Let's take my husband, for example. He is the type of person that if you screw him over, you're essentially dead to him. Loyalty is a prerequisite for being in his life. You have no existence past your usefulness. It's hard for him--as well as most men--to let a situation continue to happen to them when they already know the outcome. He's not going to keep someone around that shows that they are no good for him. Now don't get me wrong, women appreciate loyalty, but it is definitely weighed differently. My husband doesn't think about folks and situations from his past and wonder how things are now. There have been times when his past has somehow ended up in his present--but not by his choice or his doing.

Why can't we as women let go of things?

I think it's because of our nurturing spirits. We want to save the world and everything in it at all costs, even if it costs us our own peace of mind. I can't tell you how many times I continued to deal with folks that weren't really my friends, for reasons that I can't even find right now. We want everyone to be ok. We want everything to turn out well. Both me and my girl have been in some crazy situations, and dealt with some crazy people. But we both have also rearranged our lives, removed ourselves from crazy situations, and have let the crazies go as well. Neither one of us has ill will towards anyone in our past, but that doesn't mean that we want to sip Vanilla Chai Tea and catch up either.

Scabs, Scars, and a Little Neosporin

I love the movie The Lion King for so many reasons. It shows that the things that you do, whether good or bad, can have long term effects on yourself, and on those around you. In the movie, there's Mufasa, King of the Pride Lands. He and his mate Sarabi have a newborn cub, Simba, who is next in line for the throne. Because he is jealous and wants to get the throne for himself, Mufasa's brother Scar sets in motion a plan that will end up with his brother dead and Simba presumed dead. Scar is then free to take the throne and become ruler of the Pride Lands. But Scar has left alot of dismay in his wake. Sarabi no longer has her mate or her son, Nala no longer has her friend Simba to play with, and no one besides Scar and his hyena minions is aware that Simba is actually alive!!! Scar has caused alot of damage in his desire to becoming king. Eventually Simba returns all grown up, everyone is pleased, and he and his uncle have a showdown. Scar admits to Simba that he killed his own brother, and that his minions--the hyenas--were not the culprits in Mufasa's murder. Simba throws Scar over the cliff, somewhat of a justice for him, as Scar had flung his own brother over a cliff and into a stampede. Scar is then devoured by the same hyenas that he had led, mistreated, and lied on. Scar wasn't a good brother, uncle, brother-in-law, or leader. He was more concerned with himself and a title. He wanted the title of king but didn't act like one. Because of his actions, Simba, Nala, Sarabi, and all of the Pride Lands were left with emotional scars, and Scar. He was the physical reminder of what the Pride Lands had lost.

We're not always aware of the scars that we have caused. Sometimes the scars are emotional or theoretical, something we can't physically see, but are definitely evident. I have a habit of cutting myself without knowing. I'll be getting ready for my day or winding down from my day and realize that a scab has started to form somewhere on my body. It's only then that I have to go back and think about my day and what could've caused the scab. I run into walls, scratched myself on random nails sticking out of doors, awakened to find that somehow, in my sleep, I had managed to cut myself.

After awhile, we know what these scabs do...they turn into scars. I have plenty. Scars that I've caused indirectly, by not paying attention to where I was going. Scars that I have caused directly, by doing something foolish that resulted in an encrustation somewhere on my person.

While drying off after a shower the other night (please try to stay focused, you may imagine me fresh out of the shower after you have read this post), I realized that a new scab was forming on my right foot. Once again, I had to think back to when I had done anything that would cause the scab. I remembered, a day or so before, that I had been trying to pick something up off of my bedroom floor and inadvertently banged the top of my foot on the ironing board. I also remembered the pain from the hit, the sting in the shower hours later (maintain your composure), and all of the profanity that spewed from my mouth asking my hubby to check it, disinfect it, and put a little Neosporin on it.

Now what does my clumsiness have to do with anything? I thought about it, and sometimes life is the exact same way. We've inadvertently done something, said something, or caused something that left a scar. Whether that scar was left on us or someone else, we sometimes forget about what originally happened. It may be the scar of past memories, or the scar of disappointment, or it just may be a actual, physical scar. We go through life clumsily, making the same mistakes over and over again, because we don't take the time to think about our words and our actions. We don't realize the damage we leave in our wake, as we trudge through life, doing whatever makes us feel good at the moment. We don't take into account the feelings of others when we make hateful comments. We don't think when we fly off the cuff as opposed to taking the time to sit back and assess a situation. Momma said it best, "Think before you speak."

Think before you speak, assess before you react, be observant of the things around you so that you don't leave scars. I can't say that everyone is perfect, or that you'll catch everything. There are so many things that happen in our lives, and we don't realize the damage we've done to ourselves, our lives, those around us, and even our future mate. Take the time to sit back and re-evaluate the things you've done. I will continue to do it as well. Have you made a comment to someone and they now avoid you every chance they get? Have you been careless with your heart, giving away the best parts of you to people that haven't deserved it? Have you written something that you can't take back, but you feel remorseful for it? Apologize, be more selective, be careful! You never know where you may be leaving scars.