National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day 3.10.2010

Ok, so I definitely have not been blogging regularly. But this topic is worth coming out of a grad school application hibernation. If you didn't know by now, March 10, 2010 is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. HIV/AIDS is affecting women, and we need to be sure we have all of the facts instead of assuming and speculating. Folks over at The Red Pump Project have done a great job of getting out the facts about HIV/AIDS. I've taken some of those statistics and will share them here as well.

Folks over at Red Pump Project have a great campaign going on right now as well, 500 in 50. The purpose is to get 500 bloggers talking about HIV/AIDS by NWAGHAAD on March 10th. Be sure to show your support on Twitter with hashtag #500in50, as well as on your blogs and Facebook!!!

Here's some basic stats on HIV/AIDS that I pulled from The Red Pump Project website. Click here to get more facts about HIV/AIDS. Educate yourselves!!!

*Number of new HIV infections, 2006: 56,300
*Number of people living with HIV/AIDS: 1.1 million, including more than 468,000 with AIDS
*Number of AIDS deaths since beginning of epidemic: 583,298, including 14,561 in 2007
*Percent of people infected with HIV who don’t know it: 21%

The Hiatus is Over!! Kinda....

I know it has been awhile since I blogged. I'm not even sure if anyone even reads this or cares, but it sure as hell has been therapy for me....

Anyways, I'm back off of my hiatus, Thanksgiving was great--I got to see family I haven't seen in a while--and I didn't overindulge. Now I'm back in full force, trying to get this ONE grad school application done before the year is over. It's a damn shame that I have taken so long, especially since it is only ONE application. Well, I must give myself a little more credit. I have completed the majority of the application. Only thing that I am waiting for now are two of my three letters of recommendation, my transcripts, and the inspiration to write my statement of purpose. Give me a break, it takes time for the magic to work.

So, I guess this isn't really a true blog entry. I'll be back inspired and ready to write in a few days....

Regrets

There's a song by Letoya Luckett on the radio right now called Regret. It's definitely in high rotation, because every time I'm in the car I hear it at least twice (I'm not in the car but 20-30 minutes to and from work). The song is basically about a woman scorned who is somewhat taunting a former significant other. That significant other has done the woman wrong, had other women in her car, cheated on her, blah blah blah. The woman reminds her former lover that he wasn't much of anything before her, and that she made him the cool dude that he is today. The chorus goes a little something like this:

You must regret the day that you left me
You must regret the day that you left me
Still tryna get back, get back
Still tryna get back, back with me, oh
Still tryna get back, get back
Still tryna get back, back with me oh


Although Letoya is singing from a woman's perspective, this could definitely be a song from a man's perspective.

Nevertheless, I'm pretty sure that we all have regrets. We regret that person that we let get away. We regret that comment we made that cost us our friend, job, relationship, etc. We regret that decision we made that cost us everything. We regret that food we ate that got our stomach a-bubblin'. There's just so many regrets, and I in no way can quantify whether a regret is big or small. They all affect us in some way.

Some of my regrets: Letting my relationship with God fall to the side as a teen; Not telling my mom everything that was going on at school with teachers; Not telling my mom about certain things my dad did to make me dislike him even more; Shit, no telling my mom alot of things; Waiting so long to realize that I was incorrectly communicating with the opposite sex; Waiting so long to realize just exactly how dope I really am; Not being closer friends with my husband when we were in college.

The list goes on and on, but I'm sure you get my drift. We all have regrets, we all have things that we wish we could change. We all have things that we wish we would have never done or said.

Right now: What are you going to do now to make sure that you never make those mistakes again? Are you holding on to past regrets, or have you let them be a learning experience and moved on? I can honestly say that for the most part, I have definitely moved on. I still have issues with confidence, I still doubt myself sometimes. But I also catch myself having that lack of confidence and that doubt, and I do whatever is positive and in my ability to do in order to get out of that negative way of thinking. I cannot let past regrets and mistakes dictate what my future will look like. I can only accept that I messed up, and work on making my present and future better.

What are you doing? Are you holding on to past regrets? Or have you let your mistakes become your learning tools?

Alone With My Thoughts

I'm educated. I'm pretty smart. I'm in love and married to the man of my dreams. I'm in the process of filling out Grad School applications. I'm a good friend, great sister, and a damn good lover! What's my biggest problem though? My confidence. Now how could someone that speaks highly of herself have confidence issues? I'll tell you.

I second guess myself all the time.

I'll be so firm giving a friend advice, and in the next breath will question and re-evaluate everything I said. I'm so used to being around fickle people, that if I upset or frustrate my husband, I HAVE to ask him if he still likes me. This is something that I should already know without a shadow of a doubt. Sometimes I just think that I let my past dictate what I think people will feel now. I don't know. This was more of a post to get things out of my head rather than one to appease the readers. I'll be back soon with more...

Scabs, Scars, and a Little Neosporin

I love the movie The Lion King for so many reasons. It shows that the things that you do, whether good or bad, can have long term effects on yourself, and on those around you. In the movie, there's Mufasa, King of the Pride Lands. He and his mate Sarabi have a newborn cub, Simba, who is next in line for the throne. Because he is jealous and wants to get the throne for himself, Mufasa's brother Scar sets in motion a plan that will end up with his brother dead and Simba presumed dead. Scar is then free to take the throne and become ruler of the Pride Lands. But Scar has left alot of dismay in his wake. Sarabi no longer has her mate or her son, Nala no longer has her friend Simba to play with, and no one besides Scar and his hyena minions is aware that Simba is actually alive!!! Scar has caused alot of damage in his desire to becoming king. Eventually Simba returns all grown up, everyone is pleased, and he and his uncle have a showdown. Scar admits to Simba that he killed his own brother, and that his minions--the hyenas--were not the culprits in Mufasa's murder. Simba throws Scar over the cliff, somewhat of a justice for him, as Scar had flung his own brother over a cliff and into a stampede. Scar is then devoured by the same hyenas that he had led, mistreated, and lied on. Scar wasn't a good brother, uncle, brother-in-law, or leader. He was more concerned with himself and a title. He wanted the title of king but didn't act like one. Because of his actions, Simba, Nala, Sarabi, and all of the Pride Lands were left with emotional scars, and Scar. He was the physical reminder of what the Pride Lands had lost.

We're not always aware of the scars that we have caused. Sometimes the scars are emotional or theoretical, something we can't physically see, but are definitely evident. I have a habit of cutting myself without knowing. I'll be getting ready for my day or winding down from my day and realize that a scab has started to form somewhere on my body. It's only then that I have to go back and think about my day and what could've caused the scab. I run into walls, scratched myself on random nails sticking out of doors, awakened to find that somehow, in my sleep, I had managed to cut myself.

After awhile, we know what these scabs do...they turn into scars. I have plenty. Scars that I've caused indirectly, by not paying attention to where I was going. Scars that I have caused directly, by doing something foolish that resulted in an encrustation somewhere on my person.

While drying off after a shower the other night (please try to stay focused, you may imagine me fresh out of the shower after you have read this post), I realized that a new scab was forming on my right foot. Once again, I had to think back to when I had done anything that would cause the scab. I remembered, a day or so before, that I had been trying to pick something up off of my bedroom floor and inadvertently banged the top of my foot on the ironing board. I also remembered the pain from the hit, the sting in the shower hours later (maintain your composure), and all of the profanity that spewed from my mouth asking my hubby to check it, disinfect it, and put a little Neosporin on it.

Now what does my clumsiness have to do with anything? I thought about it, and sometimes life is the exact same way. We've inadvertently done something, said something, or caused something that left a scar. Whether that scar was left on us or someone else, we sometimes forget about what originally happened. It may be the scar of past memories, or the scar of disappointment, or it just may be a actual, physical scar. We go through life clumsily, making the same mistakes over and over again, because we don't take the time to think about our words and our actions. We don't realize the damage we leave in our wake, as we trudge through life, doing whatever makes us feel good at the moment. We don't take into account the feelings of others when we make hateful comments. We don't think when we fly off the cuff as opposed to taking the time to sit back and assess a situation. Momma said it best, "Think before you speak."

Think before you speak, assess before you react, be observant of the things around you so that you don't leave scars. I can't say that everyone is perfect, or that you'll catch everything. There are so many things that happen in our lives, and we don't realize the damage we've done to ourselves, our lives, those around us, and even our future mate. Take the time to sit back and re-evaluate the things you've done. I will continue to do it as well. Have you made a comment to someone and they now avoid you every chance they get? Have you been careless with your heart, giving away the best parts of you to people that haven't deserved it? Have you written something that you can't take back, but you feel remorseful for it? Apologize, be more selective, be careful! You never know where you may be leaving scars.