Baby Faith

Children--babies especially--can really teach you alot about faith.  In the womb, towards the end of pregnancy, most babies position themselves upside down in the uterus, to make for an easy delivery for mom and a safe delivery for baby.  They turn their backs to the world, turn upside down, and expect for SOMEONE to catch them when they make their debut into the world.  What if we had that type of faith when it came to our lives? What if we ignored everything stacked against us, turned our backs to the world, and came out of our previous situation unharmed and safe? If we knew that someone would be there to catch us, would we be more inclined to have stronger faith?

My son has some of the best focus that I have seen in a long time.  No matter where he is or what he is doing, if there is something he wants, he goes for it at all costs.  He doesn't care if there's five feet of space between an object and the solid bed he may be sitting on, he doesn't care if you move an object a million times to keep it from him--he's going to find a way to get what he wants and needs.

Wanna know about focus?  This kid sat like that for ten minutes because his pacifier fell through the leg of his walker.  It was attached to his shirt by a string, so he knew it was there, he just couldn't see it.  How often do we know what's at the end of our journey and we still lose focus?

                                

When do we become so jaded by the world that we lose our focus, our will, our faith?  When does constant rejection, disappointment and failure change our focus or make us lose it all together? When does the negativity in our lives give way to faithlessness?

At birth, we start off with an 'A' or 100% for faith, much like a demerit system might work in school.  Our faith is full, because we have not yet experienced the world, and as babies, we come to expect being saved from a fall.  With a demerit system, every time we misbehave or do something that warrants discipline, our 'A'--or points--decrease based on the behavior.  Unfortunately for most, this seems to be how our faith works as well.  As we grow and get older,  failures and disappointment occur, and doubt sets in, leading to less and less faith.

I sure wish I had the focus of my son.  I'd probably be working on a second or third (or fourth) graduate degree now.  I wouldn't be taking so long to lose weight.  The trunk of our car would probably be clean.  But I can't do the could've, should've, would've game.  I can only take this moment recognize my flaws, and move on from here.

How much further would you be if you had a little more faith, focus, and will?

Sidenote: I wrote this on Friday, July 8th. The funny thing is, my pastor touch on this on Sunday, July 10th. Funny, huh? God will definitely kick you in the butt to make sure you're paying attention, won't he?

Letter to My Five Years Ago Self...

So I've noticed a few folks writing letters to their five years ago self.  Freedom Reeves did one over on her blog a couple weeks ago in response to Frank Ocean's letter to himself. Of course, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon, because if there was a possibility to time travel, I would definitely go back and smack myself for some of the things that I did.  So here goes nothing...

Hey girl, it me. Well it's you, but it's me because we're the same person.  I'm just 5 years older.  You with me so far?  Around this time in 2006 you decided to shave your head AND get a tattoo within a 4 day period, and your mom almost had a conniption.  Don't worry, she got used to it all.  Now, you're going on three years of having locs, and you still just have that one tattoo.  Of course, you'd like more tattoos, but you're working on your financial responsibilities so you are being patient.

Congrats on graduating--I know it took you 5 years--but you finished.  It wasn't easy, and you know you could've done better, but you finished what you started.  Right now, you're working on getting into somebody's grad program, whether it be for Creative Writing or Social Work.  All those things that you wanted to do, you are working on achieving them.

Now I know your relationship with your father pretty much sucks, mostly because you've never felt like he was a father.  Well, you're going to have a real conversation with him, and you're going to tell him exactly how you feel.  Even though he'll continue to make excuses, you have said all that you can and need to say, and you're at peace with the situation.  You still talk to him from time to time, but you no longer roll your eyes when you see his number.  

Let's get into what's going on with you in 2006.  Your ass needs to find a job.  You didn't look for anything before graduation, and you're going to get a job working for Victoria's Secret soon.  You'll work for the company for over two years, have alot of headaches because of unnecessary drama that had nothing to do with you, and you're going to quit because you just don't want to deal with the bullshit anymore. 

For the most part, the friends that you kick it with hard right now are not going to be around in five years.  At least not like they used to be.  Nothing happened, no one fell out or had an argument, you guys just grew apart.  There will still be times when you guys get together, like weddings, baby showers and the such, but everyone has grown up and moved in different directions.  You're still tight with Shaun and the rest of the guys, so I guess I should be more specific.  Most of the relationships you had with other women have grown apart.  You and Tabitha are still tight, she's actually one of the godparents of your son.  Yeah, I said son.  We'll get to that one in a minute.  

You've got two more years with your great grandma.  She's been a hilarious and informative part of your life.  Her passing is going to hurt like shit, and when she first comes home from the hospital right before she passes, it's going to be hard as hell to go into her room and see her in that bed.  Once you get in there, though, you're there everyday until she passes.  She just may recognize you still because she smiles every time you walk into the room, and that makes you more comfortable.  There's going to be a lot of drama once she passes, though, and your name is going to dragged through the mud by people that are supposed to be family.  But since they have no idea about what's going on and have only assumed everything, fuck 'em.  They never took the time to have a conversation with you or ask you anything, they only flung fallacious accusations your way because they don't know how to have an adult conversation.

As far as relationships go, I know they've been sucking it up.  That last guy that you were really digging?  He's  going to start calling again.  And he's going to try to work his way back in, even though he told you that you were too fat to be his girlfriend.  You're going to get over that entire situation REAL quick when he starts telling you his philosophy on marriage.  You're probably thinking why the hell didn't I get over him when he told me I was too fat? Well, you haven't discovered how worthy you are of love and a good relationship yet, so you subject yourself to bullshit in the mean time.  The minute you stop dealing with him, you're going to meet a new guy.  Your friend Terrence is going to tell you to run the minute you give him all the details on this new guy, and you didn't listen.  He won't be The One either, you're going to get hurt, but you get over it.

Right now, your relationship with God is getting stronger.  You'll never be perfect, but realizing that is the first step to getting where you need to be.  You have a son.  His name is Nesta, he's eight months old, and he's got the perfect combination of both you and his father.  His father, your husband (yeah, take that one in, you got married before you turned thirty, surprise!) is a pretty awesome dude.  Your last name is Pruitt now, as in Terrence Pruitt.  Who knew that the man you'd marry would have been in your life for the last ten years?  You always said that you believed that you had already met your husband, and you were correct.  You had no way of knowing who your husband was, because you surely weren't looking to get married, but he came at the right time and the rest is history. You guys have been married for almost three years now.  It's a pretty great relationship, and both of you realize that marriage takes work, so you work on your relationship every day.  

So life didn't turn out too bad for you.  You're growing as a woman, a wife, a mother, and a Christian.  You are nowhere near where you were mentally back in 2006.  You are much more stable, much more happy, much more of who you are supposed to be.  Just hold on to your sanity a little bit longer and things are going to turn out for the better.  

P.S. Your boobs still look awesome! ;-)

It's Been a Long Time...

Hey there, good people!  It has definitely been a long time since the last post, over a year I believe.  Well, I'll be starting up the blog again soon, so expect great things!  Be blessed.