2011 in Review: Some things I learned about Nayesha A. Pruitt Part II

Yesterday I started a list of the things that I learned about myself.  You can check it out here before you read this one...

11. Working, being a mother/wife, and going to school is definitely possible.

After almost a year of being at home with my son, I started working and going to school at the same time.  Whew! It has definitely been an experience, but I wouldn't trade it for the world, and I know that I will be able to tell my children that they can achieve all of their dreams, not just with words, but by example.

12. I don't need to explain everything to everyone.

Sometimes I've felt that in order for people to "get" me, that I need to automatically explain every decision that I make.  I've especially felt this way when I tell someone something about my life and get a confused look in response.  Like I said before, not everyone is going to get me.

13. I am extremely blessed.

I celebrated both my son's first birthday and my third year of marriage in November.  I also have been blessed to have such a supportive family.  My mother, grandmother, friends, husband, sisters and mother-in-love are some of the most awesome people that I could have been blessed with the ability to call family.

14. The past is the past for a reason.  Learn from the mistakes, but don't hold on to any of it.

I've realized that alot of my extended family (as well as immediate) live in the past.  They talk about the good times, their faces light up when they talk about a moment in their lives where they felt they were on top of the world, but in the present, they are lost.  I refuse to just exist or get by, to be subjected to only a certain way of life because I don't want more for myself.  Too many dreams have not been brought to fruition.  My children will know what it's like to have dreams and go for them wholeheartedly.

15. Blaming my parents for what they did or didn't do is for the birds.

I'm almost 30 years old, and in the past year I have heard multiple people (older than me, I might add) say that they have failed at various aspects of their lives because of something their parents failed to teach them.  Really?  My mom didn't teach me how to properly manage money, but I've learned.  My dad didn't show me how a man was supposed to love his children or treat his wife, but I learned what I should and shouldn't accept from a man, both by trial and error and through observation.  I just cringe when I hear people blame their parents.  To a certain extent, yes, our parents shape us into the people we become, by what they do and don't do, but at some point personal accountability has to come into play.

16. I will never make everyone happy.

This one is pretty self explanatory.

17. Family isn't relative.

Just because I share blood with someone doesn't make them my family.  Biologically related, yes, but if there is no relationship, there just isn't a reason to call them family. I have plenty of family that I share DNA with, as well as the ones with which I don't.  Either way, you know who you are, and I wouldn't trade you for anything.

18. I will never make everyone happy.

Had to reiterate that one for myself.

19. I'm my worst critic.

My time in grad school so far has really taught me that I need to give myself a break.  There have been plenty of times when I thought that my work was sub par, only to get a perfect score on various assignments.

20. I must work on my seriously delayed sense of urgency.

When it comes to the things that I want to do and work, I'm on it.  Those things that I know I have to do are another story.  I'm workin' on it...

21. I used to care what others thought about me, especially certain people that I share DNA with, but now I could care less.

These folks have neither a heaven nor hell to put me in, nor have they made any type of significant contribution to my life (and I'm not talking about money).  I should in no way rely on their opinions when they won't be there with me when I'm reaping all of the rewards of my hard work and dedication.


Have you learned anything about yourself in the last year? Do you see anything in my list that resembles your life? What do you do to get through your own obstacles?

2011 In review: Some things that I learned about Nayesha A. Pruitt Part I

There are alot of things learned in the past year, some of them funny, some sad, and some just plain asinine.  Either way it goes, here's a list of things yours truly learned in the year 2011...

1. You can want better for others, but if they don't want it for themselves, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

This is a REALLY hard one for me.  If you are truly someone that I care about, I definitely want you to succeed in everything that you do.  What I've realized is that some folks are just stubborn, and no matter how persuasive I can be, sometimes I just need to leave it alone.  Either they'll have their own epiphany or they won't.

2. There will be times that the choices that others make just won't make sense.

This kinda goes along with the previous learned lesson.  What seems logical to me just doesn't hold the same kind of weight with others.  I am growing as a person and learning to respond to things differently, which leads to my next point...

3. There is absolutely nothing wrong with emotions, but when making decisions, my emotions must be put on hold.

I'm just a very emotional person by nature.  I cry when I'm upset, happy, all that jazz.  In the past, I have let my emotions take over my judgement and handled situations horribly, instead of taking a moment to regroup and really think about what I needed to do.  I've definitely learned--by watching others as well as in my own personal experiences--that emotion in the absence of logic is absolutely detrimental to my well being.

4. I've got to have me time.

As a mother, wife, student, friend, and all around awesome person, I can get caught up in taking care of everyone but myself.  By the time I think of me, I'm burned out and all I want to do is put my head on a pillow.  Rest is necessary, but I also need time to recharge, whether it be at the gym, drinks with friends, or just a quiet drive to nowhere in particular.

5. I've got to be careful who I call friend.

I've done alot of self evaluation regarding the company I've kept in the past, and I realize that some folks to which I gave the title of "friend" were no more than acquaintances.  At the same time, I recognize that people grow and go in different directions, and sometimes this changes the people that you hang out with, but there are other people who just really didn't belong in your circle in the first place.  I don't expect to talk to people everyday, but there are those that, no matter where our lives have taken us have remained permanent fixtures in my life.  There are others who have always been selfish and self serving, and those are the ones that have been eliminated.  Just like in my professional life, I will make more than one attempt to reach out, but I'd be a dummy to continue to contact you if you never call back or take some initiative to call me.  If you've blamed the failure of our relationship on my marriage, yet haven't reached out to call me since before I even said "I do," I'm probably talking about you.

6. No matter what I do, my son is going to find a way to put his hands down my shirt and squeeze.  If you're a woman and you hold him, he will do this to you as well.

He's one years old, hasn't been breast fed in months, but the boy loves the mammary glands.

Don't be fooled by this handsome face and big brown eyes.  This boy is a ninja when it comes to getting in a woman's shirt. I pray that he grows out of it soon...

7. I don't myself enough credit.

I'm pretty awesome, bottom line.  It has taken me almost 29 years to realize this, but I'm sure of it now.  You can't convince me of anything differently, so please don't try.

8. All of the things that I want, I can have.  All the things that I want to do, I can.

I get caught up in the thought of a thing so much some times that I never execute the plans to reach my goals or obtain the things that I want.  My brain is wired to think, examine, and re-examine just in case I missed something.  It has kept me from plenty, but not anymore.

9.  Everyone doesn't have to "get" me.

Not everyone understands me, and that's cool.  I don't always understand myself.  Not everyone is going to understand my dreams or the journey that I take in order to achieve those dreams, and that's cool as well.

10. Those that do get me can't always go with me.

No matter how much I succeed and grow, not everyone can go with me.  It's not because I don't want them to go, sometimes they just don't belong on the same path as me, no matter how much I want them to be.  They may have their own path, or they may need to pave that path for themselves.

I'm going to stop here, as this post turned out being longer than I expected.  Check in tomorrow for Part II of 2011 in review...

"Niggas want the old me, buy the old album..."

For most of my life, I've felt like I've been a good friend.  Not perfect, but good.  I've had plenty of issues of my own, plenty of flaws, but I truly believe I'm as loyal as they come.  I have also grown over the years, and the things that were once fun aren't anymore. Things that were once acceptable in my eyes have changed, and so has my behavior.  My mentality has changed, my emotions have changed, and so has my spirituality.  

In high school, I was the friend that lived the furthest away, yet would catch the bus/train in a heartbeat to spend time with my friends.  And when my friends started driving, things were that much more simple.

When I started college, I knew that the relationships that I had before would change, while others would remain the same or grow.  I became friends with high school classmates that I really didn't talk to until college.  My circle of friends in college changed year after year until trial and error left me with a pretty solid group of friends.  Even then, we had our differences, and every once in awhile someone was angry at someone else.  Eventually most folks got over whatever their issues were and kept it moving.  However, now I realize that no one ever really addressed issues.  We argued, we stopped talking, we started talking again.  That was the cycle.  

I started to recognize this cycle after college, and made efforts to address issues whenever they arose.  I can't say that I was consistent, but I tried.  Myself, along with those that I was regularly in contact with definitely supported each other in alot of b.s. that in retrospect was incredibly unacceptable, unhealthy, and sometimes plain dangerous.  

Personally, by the time I started dating who would eventually become my husband, I had been secretly spiraling out of control.  I had seriously unhealthy thoughts and behaviors.  I was hanging onto someone who was in no way healthy for me and would and never could be what I wanted him to be.  I was standing on the fence of sanity and alcoholism.  I had even thought about attempting what had failed in high school--killing myself.  

                                                                               Surrounded by friends and nowhere near happy.

We must realize that everyone goes through something in their lifetime that they would rather avoid.  Some of the things we experience could have been avoided, but because of our own actions, we face obstacles.  What we must remember is that we have no idea what the next person is going through, and if we are so self consumed with ourselves that we don't open our eyes to those around us, we may lose out on a blessing or a chance to minister to someone else.  Honestly, if you can't be there for your friends, why do you even have them?

In the past few years, I have slowly grown to love myself and those things that make me so damn awesome.  Despite my own issues, I tried to maintain relationships with people that for whatever reason didn't want to maintain a relationship with me.  I made phone calls, texted, etc.  What I can't do is stress myself out anymore trying to be friends to people who haven't been friends to me.  I also can't be the old me, it isn't healthy.  A few close family friends as well as friends from college/high school etc. told me that they were bothered by the fact that I got married so suddenly.  Others told me that they wished I had at least had some type of celebration after we got married so that they could celebrate.  Let me say that if any of what I have previously said applied to you, understand that there was no malice.  I finally decided to do something for myself, without any outside influences.  

I'm not saying that my getting married completed me, because completion is only something I can find within myself and God.  But that man of mine, he saved me.

To those that supported my decision and were there for me, thank you.  For those that haven't been around for whatever reason, you're missing out on a wiser, more sane, more balanced me.  Maybe you just miss the old me and that's why you don't talk to me. Well as Jay-Z and the title of this post says...

   The mentally and spiritually healthy me.  Loving me!

Letter to My Five Years Ago Self...

So I've noticed a few folks writing letters to their five years ago self.  Freedom Reeves did one over on her blog a couple weeks ago in response to Frank Ocean's letter to himself. Of course, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon, because if there was a possibility to time travel, I would definitely go back and smack myself for some of the things that I did.  So here goes nothing...

Hey girl, it me. Well it's you, but it's me because we're the same person.  I'm just 5 years older.  You with me so far?  Around this time in 2006 you decided to shave your head AND get a tattoo within a 4 day period, and your mom almost had a conniption.  Don't worry, she got used to it all.  Now, you're going on three years of having locs, and you still just have that one tattoo.  Of course, you'd like more tattoos, but you're working on your financial responsibilities so you are being patient.

Congrats on graduating--I know it took you 5 years--but you finished.  It wasn't easy, and you know you could've done better, but you finished what you started.  Right now, you're working on getting into somebody's grad program, whether it be for Creative Writing or Social Work.  All those things that you wanted to do, you are working on achieving them.

Now I know your relationship with your father pretty much sucks, mostly because you've never felt like he was a father.  Well, you're going to have a real conversation with him, and you're going to tell him exactly how you feel.  Even though he'll continue to make excuses, you have said all that you can and need to say, and you're at peace with the situation.  You still talk to him from time to time, but you no longer roll your eyes when you see his number.  

Let's get into what's going on with you in 2006.  Your ass needs to find a job.  You didn't look for anything before graduation, and you're going to get a job working for Victoria's Secret soon.  You'll work for the company for over two years, have alot of headaches because of unnecessary drama that had nothing to do with you, and you're going to quit because you just don't want to deal with the bullshit anymore. 

For the most part, the friends that you kick it with hard right now are not going to be around in five years.  At least not like they used to be.  Nothing happened, no one fell out or had an argument, you guys just grew apart.  There will still be times when you guys get together, like weddings, baby showers and the such, but everyone has grown up and moved in different directions.  You're still tight with Shaun and the rest of the guys, so I guess I should be more specific.  Most of the relationships you had with other women have grown apart.  You and Tabitha are still tight, she's actually one of the godparents of your son.  Yeah, I said son.  We'll get to that one in a minute.  

You've got two more years with your great grandma.  She's been a hilarious and informative part of your life.  Her passing is going to hurt like shit, and when she first comes home from the hospital right before she passes, it's going to be hard as hell to go into her room and see her in that bed.  Once you get in there, though, you're there everyday until she passes.  She just may recognize you still because she smiles every time you walk into the room, and that makes you more comfortable.  There's going to be a lot of drama once she passes, though, and your name is going to dragged through the mud by people that are supposed to be family.  But since they have no idea about what's going on and have only assumed everything, fuck 'em.  They never took the time to have a conversation with you or ask you anything, they only flung fallacious accusations your way because they don't know how to have an adult conversation.

As far as relationships go, I know they've been sucking it up.  That last guy that you were really digging?  He's  going to start calling again.  And he's going to try to work his way back in, even though he told you that you were too fat to be his girlfriend.  You're going to get over that entire situation REAL quick when he starts telling you his philosophy on marriage.  You're probably thinking why the hell didn't I get over him when he told me I was too fat? Well, you haven't discovered how worthy you are of love and a good relationship yet, so you subject yourself to bullshit in the mean time.  The minute you stop dealing with him, you're going to meet a new guy.  Your friend Terrence is going to tell you to run the minute you give him all the details on this new guy, and you didn't listen.  He won't be The One either, you're going to get hurt, but you get over it.

Right now, your relationship with God is getting stronger.  You'll never be perfect, but realizing that is the first step to getting where you need to be.  You have a son.  His name is Nesta, he's eight months old, and he's got the perfect combination of both you and his father.  His father, your husband (yeah, take that one in, you got married before you turned thirty, surprise!) is a pretty awesome dude.  Your last name is Pruitt now, as in Terrence Pruitt.  Who knew that the man you'd marry would have been in your life for the last ten years?  You always said that you believed that you had already met your husband, and you were correct.  You had no way of knowing who your husband was, because you surely weren't looking to get married, but he came at the right time and the rest is history. You guys have been married for almost three years now.  It's a pretty great relationship, and both of you realize that marriage takes work, so you work on your relationship every day.  

So life didn't turn out too bad for you.  You're growing as a woman, a wife, a mother, and a Christian.  You are nowhere near where you were mentally back in 2006.  You are much more stable, much more happy, much more of who you are supposed to be.  Just hold on to your sanity a little bit longer and things are going to turn out for the better.  

P.S. Your boobs still look awesome! ;-)