So I was thinking about another situation that I know about amongst women. Have you ever noticed that women can mess something up really well when they're scared? I have a few friends that have been in relationships, and had someone on the side. Sex was not always involved in the situation when there was a side piece--some of these women just liked the attention that someone gave them, others really wanted to explore what else was out there in the dating world while keeping something close to home, and some really just wanted to have sex.
Let's explore these friends separately and more in depth...
1)Some of these women just liked the attention that someone gave them...
Everyone likes attention. The problem is when this attention costs someone a relationship. I had a friend who was living with her guy, thought she was going to marry him and everything. That's what she wanted, that's what they talked about. But this friend also had someone from a past situation that kept coming around. She'd bump into him at parties and he made it clear what he wanted from her. She liked the attention. These two talked and saw each other every once in awhile, and she got her "fix"--she got the attention she wanted, even though it wasn't from her significant other.
Needless to say, the boyfriend had a "feeling" about things, but never actually knew anything. For months he just knew that something was going on, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Now I must say that the boyfriend did have his personal issues, including an issue of trusting women (and his girl wasn't helping). All of this was enough to cause a rift in the relationship (along with other things), and the friend and her boyfriend broke up. Last I heard, he's married.
Moral of this story: The attention that you feel you're not getting--express it to your mate. You'd be surprised to find that they don't even realize that you feel a certain way, and if it's a pretty good relationship otherwise, they'll probably get themselves together and do exactly what you've been missing. If not, then it probably wasn't the right relationship for you anyways!
2) ...others really wanted to explore what else was out there in the dating world while keeping someone close to home...
I've got another friend that started what we in Chicago like to call "talking" to two gentlemen around the same time. There was no commitment, and neither man thought they were in a relationship. Eventually sex became a part of both of these relationships, both men wanted more, and she had to choose. She chose who she felt was "safe", while the other continued to be clueless to her new relationship status. This actually went on for a couple of years, with the boyfriend turning out to not be what she needed in her life. The gentlemen left on the outside always kept in contact with my friend, and she actually found herself falling in love with the outsider. The problem? She had problems with being alone, and continued to deal with the boyfriend who had already proven that he was not the one for her. The outsider was told by my friend that she wasn't ready for a relationship, and respectfully tried to honor her feelings, but found himself falling for my friend as well. It was almost disclosed to this outsider that my friend was dating someone, but things were cleaned up pretty quickly, and no one was the wiser to the situation. Now my friend finds herself wanting to be with the man who used to be the outsider.
Here's the problem. I feel like she has created this situation that lacked honesty, and the entire thing may backfire in her face, it may not. I honestly don't know. But I wonder how can she have a healthy relationship with this man that used to be an outsider, when most of their relationship was built on lies that she told to keep him both at bay and on standby. Does she need to disclose her previous situation and let him know that she led him to believe that she wasn't ready for a relationship when she was in one the whole time? Or does she just need to keep it moving and build a relationship now, not worrying about the past and the lies she's had to tell?
3)...and some just really want to have sex.
Here's another friend. She was in a long term relationship for a considerable part of her young adult life. Things went sour, the relationship ended on bad terms after repeatedly trying to make it work. This friend went across the country to be with this man, so of course she moved back home once it was over. She's always been the type to attract men no matter where she is. She's a gorgeous woman. She doesn't always like the attention, and has taken drastic measures in the past to avoid getting attention. It still doesn't work. Nevertheless, she has returned home, attracting the attention of many men. She doesn't want a relationship, she doesn't want to be "tied down". She has been pretty open with me in that she knows whether she wants to sleep with someone, and that predicates whether she'll let a conversation go further than just "hello". So as of now, she's "just having fun", sleeping with whomever she wants, sometimes keeping someone around for long periods of time out of convenience.
So this is dangerous for so many reasons. I don't think I need to explain them all.
So what's the deal with us women? Is a fear thing that keeps us from being the jewels that we were made to be? What's going on? I have to say that part of the reason that our women go unchecked is because of the people surrounding them. True friends should check their friends when they get out of pocket or go off the deep end. The problem is that we don't. We try to sympathize, empathize, support, and sometimes even encourage our friends. We want to appear to be the friend that is there, but we're useless.
So after all that has been said, the moral of the story is: CHECK YOUR DAMN FRIENDS. THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS, BUT NOT CHECKING A FRIEND IS THE SAME AS AGREEING THAT WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS OK. NOT SAYING SOMETHING SAYS SOMETHING.
DISCLAIMER: If any of the friends that I spoke about read this, you know who you are. I've done dumb things in my life, so I'm not perfect. This is more of a eye opener to re-evaluate the friends that you keep around you and not a condemnation of anyone.
That is all.
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